Psalm 8:3-4 When I look at your heavens, the work of you fingers, the moon and the stars, which you have set in place,
what is man that you are mindful of him,
and the son of man that you care for him?
A friend of a friend labored a still born baby at 7 months. The mother had been air lifted to a hospital near by and ended up on bed rest, until it was safe to deliver. The next week the baby died in utero and she gave birth to him. I struggled this for days and even as I write this my heart breaks for the family.
We, at the time, were in financial straits and a friend asked me how we were doing. I said,"Great", in comparison to this unimaginable situation, we were emotionally just fine. I very softly but angrily gave a side answer, '' He can send a check in the mail, but he can't bring a dead baby back.'' As soon as the words left my mouth, my heart was ripped open. I was completely undone at the anger I had toward my Lord. With tears even now..I felt him tell me in the moment,''You don't know."
The next morning through tears and repentance I asked him,"Lord, What is it? What do I not know?"
He told me as plain as day," I am also hurting over that baby." I know it was Him because my heart was so broken I could hardly breath. It's almost as if he let me feel just a slight bit of pain he feels with and for his children when they are broken. He quickly spoke this over me.
"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,"
declares the Lord
"As the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts."
Like a rushing wave of remorse and a good amount of absolute terror, I had put the God, who I call Lord and Savior on trial. I realized he is a God who mourns with his kids. He mourns even knowing He has already won the war. That is LOVE. A love so big I can't even begin to understand.
You know, this piece when started, represented the human trafficked of this world. Every story I heard I would put my Savior on trial. I'd ask why and where were you? Only through this experience of the above story did I finally realize what I had done. He hurts with these kids. That doesn't mean that every story I hear doesn't completely leave me bleeding but I hold onto these words with with dear life...
" my ways are not your ways and as the heavens are higher than the earth so are my ways higher than your ways."
We have a heart for the human trafficked in our home. It runs deep. This little human is holding the hand of God the Father who is holding mankind in his wrist. He loves us that individually and together. When we ask the hard questions of why and how could this be happening to children, or even questions of why is something like this happening to them or us...
This little girl is so content with the Father not caring that he does hold the whole world. She just trusts He has it all. I want that kind of faith. That he does have it all, all the while knowing I don't have all the answers to the hard questions because "His ways are higher than my ways and His thoughts are higher than my thoughts."
He loves me this much to let me ask those questions and enough to answer. That leaves me undone at his feet every day.
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